Starter kits for the New West

I was inspired by a bit of Tom Reed’s hilarious Beer post yesterday on mouthfuloffeathers.com but it wasn’t his rant about PBR’s new hipster bro-bra status, as brilliant an observation as that was, it was where he mentioned…

…The places where people move and get the “Insert-Town-Name-Here Starter Kit.” Example, the Bozeman, Montana, starter kit is a drift boat, a Tacoma and a bird dog.

So based on that as a guide I put together a list of starter kits for anyone moving to some of the other towns in the brave New West. If you are moving too “Insert-town-name-here” make sure you pick up the following.

Boulder: Copy of Communist Manifesto, membership to food coop, yoga pants.
Missoula: 6 pack of Moose Drool, summer job with USFS, an inner tube.
Moab: Full suspension Mtn Bike, Forerunner, and a Camelbak.
Colorado Springs: Jacked Up brand new F-150, NIV Bible, an AR-15.
Aspen: An Agent, an Entourage, your own Hedge Fund.
Eagle: A walker, a second mortgage, foreclosure notice.
Denver: Subaru, binoculars to see the front range, season pass to Vail.
West Yellowstone: Bear spray, PMDs, and a guide license.
Provo: New Suburban, 8 kids, and a membership to Ancestry.com
Portland: A pound of organic goat cheese,  Ear Gauges, Shampoo Methadone.
Dunsmuir: A Phillipson Peerless, the AP style manual, architectural plans for a Nestle bottling plant.
Lyons: A South Creek Ltd. custom, an old typewriter, camp coffee percolator.
Sheridan: Mid 70s pickup, horse trailer, and a Carhartt.
Rapid City: Half Built custom chopper, T-shirt from your favorite bike builder, brand new leathers.
Jackson: Ugly Filson Vest, Brand New Yellow Leather Work Gloves, log home with big windows.

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